SA TINTA NG DUGO NG PAGHIHINAGPIS

huli na lamang masisilayan ang lugar kung saan ang mga kaluluwa at damdamin ay nasadlak sa pagdurusa,

kung saan ang isip ay binabatikos ng mga puna,

at ang iyong katahimikan ay siyang kapalaluan sa iba,

ang sa bawat sandali, ang mga gawi at kilos ay tila ba may mali,

ako ba? o sadyang hangal lang ang iba

sya ba? hindi ako ang huhusga

ngunit padadaig? sapat na. sapat na.

sa pagdadapit hapon ng ngayon at kahapon, oh ang bukas, alam mong ako sayo'y nasasabik

Sa Tinta ng Dugo ng Paghihinagpis

#Bulakenya

Physics is ♡

Everyday chasing this growing unread emails.

you go by 200 today, respond, do or mark complete some 80+, go home with 300. 😂 Does this mean you slack off?

if this is how you measure success, you have done nothing. Morning at 200, end of day at 300 unread emails. Go home exhausted. forget the 80+ you did.

If this was Physics where Work done is the amount of Force at a certain Distance W= F*D, and distance is a vector;

Wi= 200
Wdone = 80
WF= 300

WF = wi -wdone + W3
w3 = 300 +80 - 200
w3 = 180

W3 means there were 180 more emails that came along that day. And this has been the crucial one  that I often choose to overlook.
wdone was the work you did today.
wf is the end result.

WF being > Wi means you still have not done 100 more emails just to break even the work today. Oftentimes, or some companies focus on this end result. But they forget W3 and the Wdone.

For them,
When you slack, it means remaining Wi = Wf or worse Wi<Wf.

If this is how you measure success you're dumb because you got the wrong perspective.
And you're putting much pressure on yourself.

Now the physics formula of Pressure is...
.
.
.
nevermind.

This is not a poem.

Are you real?
Are you not just an idea?
You are too perfect.
And we've only just met.

Before I laid eyes on you
I had warned myself,
he will not stay,
this guy will eventually go away.

Seven months into that night I still remember the impression.
I no longer remember the details of your face but I remember what I felt when I looked at you. It was a nice lovely feeling wasting the night away, hearing your silly laughters. You were teary eyed remembering your silliness.
It was a nice lovely feeling to be alive and be with a stranger, the likes of you.

During those times I noted, I will never see him again when he goes back to the US. Therefore, I looked at you longer when you were not looking. I tried to remember the details of your face against the dark of the night. I tried to remember the pitch of your voice, your accent, your gestures. Truly, memories fade. The same goes to the connection that we built.

When I remember that night, it felt so distant now. It felt as if I just woken out of a dream and I never really knew someone like you, like it never happened.

Was it just me? Because I felt the connection and you were there too. I guess I will bury the night when I happened to meet the only person, and that is you.

Teach Me How to Forget

I was sitting still just like this

staring at your back contemplating.

You gazing at the people walking by,  thankful for the moments that pass us by.

As my weight shifted to my arms I felt the weight that you, shortly, leaving me behind.

I was listening and tears jerking when you turned and meet my eyes.

Your gaze, it was a blissful 5 second moment of that night.

For that instance I tried not to look away, for you to see how my heart wanted to say that you stay.

Away from Home

3 weeks. longest I've been away from home since June 2011. This time, distantly farther but closer to heart.

Longest was when mom threw me out of the house for apparently slacking and lazing at the house on weekends. Other reason was if not that, I was out spending time traveling and hinting that I was overspending and that I did not make myself useful at home during work breaks. She sacked me. Really.

Of course, those were her version of truth. I came back 2 weeks after not because I wanted to apologize but because I didnt want to be misunderstood. Then got some more clothes and didn't show my face to them for 2 mos. I still continued my support leaving all of my savings on her closet then sped away. She knew that's all I had.

Sept 11, I received text from her wanting me back. I came back and apologized and she asked me what's there to apologize for. She admitted they judged me for just resting on weekends after stressful work and living alone on weekdays and that they thought I earned so much and spent so much I didn't save enough for myself. Then they got Pokwang.

I saved enough for the following year I traveled along with her. To show her what's there that I craved for. And that life can also be enjoyed today.

I just missed being home. ❤

A little more

Day 7.

It's been a while since I lose track of the days of the week, time of the day and day of the month.

I just know it's still August. Ive been waking up at noon (breakfast and lunch overlaps), sleeping anytime my eyes feel heavy 3x a day ( sometimes past dinner waking up hungry).

Not even going out the front gate if I am not hungry, staying indoor until sundown. Reading the book that makes me confused and now almost halfway through it.

If not for the torrential rains I'd be anywhere but home i think.

Ah, staying home is more sustainable in my pocket.

Introverts know.

August Rush

Day 1.

I woke up and my thoughts were still about my previous work and those people. I shrugged it off my mind and went on for the day.

As I drove back home at sunset, I was greeted with orange hues and clear skies. I was literally awed. 

Then I started to embrace that tomorrow no responsibility, of that sort, awaits me nor unacceptable treatment anymore. I felt relieved.

I turned on the music. Parokya ni Buchokoy singing in the background. I reflected. When was the last time I felt easy, going home witnessing that beautiful sunset? Ah, that was some 6 years in the past, when I resigned from my first work.

I did not notice, as time passed by me, ahead of me, little by little, I had pushed myself too hard. It became toxic. 

I really needed this kind of break.

On the other hand, today, I received 2 good news. News about the aspects of my life that has gotten out of place. But there are 3 of them.  I wonder if God has lost count of the third one?